Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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