After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
