Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
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