dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
