Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
No stitches, just platelets and will power
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
