weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am midnight drunk by noon
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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