I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
