i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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