Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
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The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
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THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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