Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
