I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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