Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
