She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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