My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
