Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
