I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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