I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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