So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
