'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
