girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
