you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
