kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
