dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
