its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
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