I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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