It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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