He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
