drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
