3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
