You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
