He passed out mid-signature
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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