I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just had sex bonerless
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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