Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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