Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
