i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
