We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
