john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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