dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
