I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
