I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
