What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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