i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
