i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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