My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My penis needs a shock collar
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
