you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
