Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
