'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
