it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
