8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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