i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
