Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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