Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
