I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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