A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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