I accidentally burped into my bong.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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