Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
