time to smoke my breakfast
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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