I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
