I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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