I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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