Don't make out with my wife yet
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
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