So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
