and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
