I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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