If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
