Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
