It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
