my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
