we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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