I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
