Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
