I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
