Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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