in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
25 Disturbing Facts That Will Make You Question Everything
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
31 People Admit To Nasty Things They Do On The Reg
We talked him into tasing himself.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend