my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Operation Purity has been aborted
she told me i tasted like america
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Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
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Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done