You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life