my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us