I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER