Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
