You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
