I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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