worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
