I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
