i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize