I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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