i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
