I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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